Know When To Shut Up

WTF?
You showed more grace than I could in that circumstance. Good for you! How odd that she would single you out for that. You, who would be making crackers by the hundreds if Max showed any inclination towards homemade crackers vs goldfish crackers. Wow. I am impressed with your restraint.

I can not believe she said that! I, personally, think that Goldfish are one of the best options for packaged crackers. It is not like you had a load of candy bars going down the belt. I am amazed by peoples nerve.

woah. what a bag of smashed you-know-what-holes.

Lila's a picky eater (see: carbs, cheese and carbs for every meal) and I'm starting to experience the judgmental stuff as we branch out to hang with other families. I figure it's just the universe whipping its tail around for me to eat because I was once an insufferable bag of smashed you-know-what-holes myself (which I am so totally NOT saying is what is happening with you! I promise!) when Ty was little he was a terrific eater of anything green and healthy. It's killing me to have a kid who won't eat anything unless it's smothered in cheese and has a carb base. But I figure it's going to change eventually. I try to give healthy choices and insist she take a bite here and there, but otherwise? kid's healthy and full of vitality. she'll be fine.

and she's six and doesn't wet the bed, so...

OY! the crap we have to work to not take on when we go somewhere simple like the grocery store. ridiculous.

Kudos to you for not smacking the checkout lady upside the head with the biggest bag of snacks in reach - I would have been fuming while trying to remain polite, and I really admire your ability to keep some perspective throughout the whole unsolicited-advice encounter.

Coincidentally, I have just started an "Unsent Letters" blog for just these sorts of situations - stop on by sometime, and we'll vent together!

Holy hell!! That woman not only sounds horribly judgmental but toxic too. I would imagine her teenager wouldn't appreciate their mom telling their secrets to anyone, especially strangers. Kids are hard-wired and they're going to control what they eat, like it or not. Adult parents can be so hideous, I remember it well. Such bullshit that you have to dodge the bullets from such monsters. Said woman sucks but you are made of all things good!

Hmm. She's a little conflicted, me thinks.

You make me treasure the anonymity of my life in a small city. I've never had anyone strike up this kind of conversation with me. EVER.

Small town chattiness. Bah.

Of course my first reaction would have been to look straight at her and say, "Me. It's all for MEEEEE. Bwa ha ha ha."

I was just talking today with another mom at the park and she brought up an EXCELLENT point (as you do too -)

Why do women constantly tear each other down? We should be supporting each other as mothers...especially those mothers who have special needs kids. You can get him to eat Goldfish crackers? That is great. I'm glad you found something he likes. How hard was that? not at all.

Thank you Karmyn! I think the reason it's so hard to do that in general is that there are so many assumptions people have about parenting: that it isn't so much the kid you have as it is the parent you are. I have to say that I used to be so much more judgmental of other parents before I had a kid and then before I'd had Max for very long. Now I am so much more understanding that another parent's circumstances could be so different, that their kids could be incredibly different from mine too. I give parents a lot more slack now and when I see a bad parent/kid situation, the first thing I do is try to have compassion for the difficulty where I might have, many years ago, immediately thought the parent was failing to parent well or that their kid was just a bad kid.

MSS- why didn't I think of saying that? That's so brilliant!
So if anything, having the kid I do has made me much more accepting, tolerant, and empathetic to the incredibly wide range of parenting experiences people can have.

So my first thought, with the checker when she mentioned her daughter was "Poor girl! I wonder why she's having such a hard time." The next thought was "How can this checker be giving me shit about a picky eater when obviously her daughter is having some difficulty too." the last thought, which I'm not proud of, was how satisfying it would to to ask her what she's done to help her daughter out and give her all kinds of inane suggestions like people do to me. I banished the last one. That's a case of me having become a better person through my kid.

Wow that's amazing she said that. Maybe she thinks moms have time to make crackers? Uh no we don't and I wouldn't want to either. You'd think there is some sort of customer etiquette too like not commenting on the items the customer buys. Goldfish sound like vitamins to me compared to some of the things my oldest eats. :)