Rebel Family

On Wednesday night Max was supposed to go sing with his school. You know the drill, about two hundred cute kids all dressed up in their best velvet dresses and mini suits to sing Christmas songs which is supposed to get us all in the mood for the three weeks we're going to have them at home again, all day long. About a half an hour before Philip and Max were supposed to leave for the Community Center Max starts freaking out. He doesn't want to sing. It makes him uncomfortable. He starts a crying jag that has Philip calling me at the store.

Parenthood is filled with thousands of decision making moments that you never thought about while you were blithely waddling around with your huge happy belly full of baby magic. Tough decisions and weird decisions. Do you force a child to participate in something that has him so nervous he's balling his head off, followed by a determined digging in of the heels? Do you make them do things everyone expects them (and you) to do, even if you hated doing those things as a kid too and weren't made into a better person for doing them?

Our verdict was to go to the concert and see if Max's teacher had him singing a solo, or if she was going to flunk him out of first grade for not singing in the Christmas concert. If she said he wasn't a necessary part, and wasn't going to flunk him, we would not make him do it. His teacher, being a very easy going and compassionate person who has her head screwed on straight, really didn't see any reason to make Max sing. She admitted that he looked really uncomfortable during practice. So we left.

The thing is, Philip and I were dreading going to the concert too. Maybe me more than him. But none of us wanted to be there. I'll even admit that it kind of freaked me out wading through a huge hyper sea of shouting children. Panic entered my chest, and for a moment I thought I might have landed in hell a little ahead of schedule. I'm like a cat, not fond of sudden movements, loud piercing noises, and suspicious of the unpredictable element. Children are nothing, if not unpredictable.

So what do you do when you were supposed to go to a Christmas concert and bailed instead? Let loose on the cold stormy night offered some intriguing possibilities. We went to the Hotel Oregon for dinner and pints (and a milkshake for the underage guy). I know I should feel a little tiny bit of shame for not being a participator. I shirk and run from the PTA, I haven't volunteered for anything at the school yet, and I don't get fluttery with pride at the thought of seeing my handsome little boy, pale as a ghost and shaking with fear while singing me dreadful songs about Santa. But I don't. Not even a tiny bit. If Max was totally into it, completely excited to have me come to his concert, I would do it with a different attitude. I would step up and support his enthusiasm. Even if I had to wade through all those children again.

I'm happy to be a rebel family. So what if we don't do things like everyone else? I've always been a little bit proud that my boy has his own inner compass and that he sees the world differently than most people. So we had a great night as a family, just us, hanging out.

However, the next day, was the inescapable "Snowman Celebration". A little class room celebration with activities, snacks, and a little story reading by the kids. This didn't freak Max out nearly as much, but I won't say he had any enthusiasm for it. Still, he stood up, said his two lines, and moved on. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because Max enjoyed having us in his classroom, taking part, giving him our undivided attention.

Today is his last day of school before he's off for three weeks. What the hell are we going to do with him? Now is when I wish we'd made lots more connections with people with kids he can play with. Our kid is not one of those self sufficient miracles who plays happily alone for hours on end. He needs excitement, he needs constant contact with others, he needs a seamless flow of adult information, he needs constant supervision to be sure he doesn't accidentally kill the dog in their wrestling matches.

I feel hours of lego playing coming on.