Rigid Morning Routine

Wow, I need to have a manual like that and I don't have kids. I hope it makes things a lot easier for all of you! -tonia

This looks like a good plan. Moving the rules to written form eliminates so many arguments--you can just say "talk to the paper". have you ever read the Love & Logic book? It has some odd things that I don't relate to but a couple of techniques are described so well-- Moving emotion out of every day activities. And i totally agree that it is not your job to play bionicles with your kid.

I love your idea of labelling everything. It can be quite fun. Imagine the head of the boys when they'll see that yes, you found out the place where they tried to throw grape seeds (ok, this is absolutely a personal experience, I did that when I was a child, just behind the stereo player).

This all sounds very reasonable. One thing that helped me, and it sounds like you're on it already, is giving them choices but controlling what those choices are. And you are right about a parent not having to be the playmate at all times. A child must learn how to forge friendships and navigate through those mucky waters, no matter how brutal they can be. And yes, they can be brutal at times but you are a strong and intelligent woman who can do this! I'll be here cheering for you when you need it.

Oh yes - I have had to make morning rules as well. I had to get super strict - there can be NOTHING done until they are physically ready for school. And, as it turns out, most mornings there isn't time for anything.

Sometimes a parent has to put their foot down on things - no matter how bad we feel about it later.

Awesome plan!! I too have made up fairly rigid schedules.. are for bedtime routine because I reached the point that if I didn't set things in stone then I was going to completely freak out on everyone!

Hurrah! Rigid schedules are such a must for kids who get overwhelmed. We used them when Nicky was younger, and they made a huge difference. We went through the breakfast thing for a while, until one day I had enough, and he and I sat down and made a calendar for the whole month. He had a few different things he would eat for breakfast that also met my qualifications for an "okay" breakfast, so he was allowed to have (for example) cereal twice a week, a smoothie once a week, frozen waffles once, and something else I can't remember the other (this was weekdays only). We printed up a calender with these choices, and since he made the decisions, he had to stick to them. It was amazing. The difference...wow. I'm encouraged you're coming to the same realization I eventually did, too. These kids crave routine, and giving them TOO many choices often causes breakdown. You're awesome.

at my house (no kids - just me & one OCD/Adult ADD male), we would go nuts if there ever was a rigid schedule. i personally have my own schedule that i follow each day, but it's more about when i get ready for work, exercise, and sleep. the bf does not have a schedule and i have to be the flexible one because i NEVER know what to expect walking in the door each night.

He's lucky to have you as a mom! A lot of my childhood was chaotic rushing around, being late constantly, and many other unstructured happenings... Some kids just do better with more structure. An enforced schedule like this might have helped me be more on top of things later in life...!

In my own experience I found it difficult to enforce discipline (the true meaning...not an homonym for punishiment) because I empathized too strongly with my son. My sister, who has a mildly autistic son, was the same. She was amazed that at school, her son behaved beautifully and asked his special education teacher how she did it. The reply: the teacher delineated clear rules and boundaries and expected all the children to follow them. And she applied her rules consistently, without emotion or negotiation.

The bottom line was that my sister, very mindful that her autistic son had special needs, did not impose the same restrictions on him as she did with her other children. Like anyone, when he discovered he had her wrapped around his little finger, he took advantage of her.

It is very difficult when a child is handicapped (physically, mentally, emotionally) not to make too many allowances. We want to make their lives easier. Yes, we should understand their limits but we must not expect less of them as human beings. And we should never let them manipulate us with their handicap--the "I can't do that because I'm [whatever]" ploy.

This is really hard on parents. We aren't perfect either. I failed spectacularly on many occasions. But don't be discouraged. You are on the right track as always. Be firm.

We are on the same wavelength. i was just reading about how humans are the only ones on the this earth without rhythms. the plants have their rhythms and the seasons turn the same throughout the year but we wander aimlessly. when we find a rhythm of our own happiness and peace follow.