The Pictures That Would Have Been
(and a school conference)
There are no pictures for this post because Philip and I don't always speak the same language to each other. We both sound like we're speaking English, yet when he tells me how I can do things on the computer that I've never done before (like download pictures directly from my camera into this post) what I actually hear is: djhsifuhpi dkjh, aidjhfp dj diiuh dio...see? Uh, no. We get frustrated with each other sometimes because I visualize things with words and he visualizes things with pictures. (Some surprise huh? Writer versus Artist. Classic.) In spite of this unique way in which we don't communicate, we're still married after thirteen years.
Our computer at work is a laptop that is not connected to our computer at home. So usually I will post pictures in a draft at home and then do my blog writing over my third cup of (decaf) coffee at the store. I didn't have time today. After a really nice little cozy wrestle-fest in bed with the dog, the kid, me, and a dormant Philip, we had to get ready to go to a conference at Max's school. The kind where they tell you that your darling little angel of love and light has been tormenting the sweet kid that everyone loves and has been named number one sociopath of the whole school. The kind of meeting where they tell you how your kid has been watching too many episodes of Ninja Turtles and insists on re-enacting each episode play-by-play during circle time.
Actually, the meeting didn't go at all like that. This meeting went so differently than the one we had last year at Proctor Terrace for his Kindergarten year. Shockingly different. At last year's meeting we were sat down to study Max's test scores for the first two months of school. We were told what we needed to help him work on so that he can pass his next set of tests well enough to be considered eligable to enroll in Junior High in another five years. The teacher made it clear to us that while Max is a fine kid and all, she was really upset that he was the first kid in twelve years to refuse to finish making his turkey decoration. She had almost nothing personal to say about Max as a student. It was all about the tests and the fact that he didn't tow the line like all the other kids. Plus he talked too much. Plus it was made plain to us that we could just forget about sending him to Harvard because Proctor Terrace wasn't going to endorse his application.
Yeah, they take education as seriously as some people take meth. He took home stacks of homework every week. The paperwork we got as parents of a child attending the golden school were at least a half inch thick EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I have a thing about stacks of paperwork. They intimidate me and live in brain forever.
The meeting today was a whole different animal. First of all, Max's teacher (Mrs. Kimura) asked us if we had any questions for her. We talked about the bloody noses. We talked about his attitude which she said has improved amazingly from the first few weeks. She actually had nothing negative to say about him. In fact, she had nothing but good to say about him. I mean, she didn't say he's a gem (I wouldn't have believed that kind of talk anyway) but she said his only disadvantage is his age which only time will fix. He's a lot younger than everyone else in his class, consequently he has some maturity issues. What's amazing is how much Mrs. Kimura is willing to work with him, his peculiarities, his immaturity. I don't think they've had a single placement test yet. Yet Max is learning more than we expected, his attitude has amazingly improved at home too...he's reading us books for crying out loud!
I've heard quite a bit about how horrible the schools in Oregon are. Maybe there are some really shoddy ones out there. They're everywhere, after all. But I have got to say that I love his school right now. I love that his teacher is letting him learn in his own unique way, how flexible she is, yet still she has her rules and consequences and she gets results. It's not a school obsessed with test scores. They are not inundated with stacks of homework. They are letting the students be kids and learn without the kind of pressure Proctor Terrace puts on its students. Yet Max is learning so much so fast it's breathtaking. He's writing little books for us. He's reading us books too, simple ones, but that's still wonderful! He's coming home with numbers in his head and already embracing math concepts. He's shining at Memorial school in a way I don't think he would ever have shined at the more rigid Proctor Terrace where I think he would have fallen in the cracks for not being a standard kid.
Max is probably never going to love school. I have to admit though that I think it helps that Philip and I don't get upset about him not liking school. We tell him he has to go, but he doesn't have to like it. Giving him the freedom to hate school has taken some of the heat out of his attitude about it. He comes up with plots to avoid having to go to school and I calmly tell him where his plots have gone wrong. I've heard a few people gasp in shock when I've revealed that Max hates school...I know, a serious crime. I sometimes wonder if people think that a kid who doesn't like school is already three fourths of the way to becoming a drug addict or a pimp. Why on earth should any kid love school? I think the main thing is that I already know Max has an active imagination and an insatiable hunger for knowledge. His curiosity about absolutely everything says more about him than his attitude about school.
I think it's interesting that sometimes the kids who need the structure of school the most (like Max) are the ones who have the worst attitudes about it. Max is a boundary pusher (you knew that from the bags under my eyes) which is why it's so important for him to have firm boundaries at all times. When he doesn't have them he comes unglued.
I don't spend a lot of time telling the world what a perfect little specimen my baby is, because he's not. But sometimes I feel guilty about how much I complain about him because it leaves so much less room to say how much I love him. How proud I am that he's not an average kid, that he doesn't fit any mold, that he's smart, curious, funny, and inventive. It's hard to focus on his good qualities because I know he's going to have some big challenges in life too. Because of who he is. I complain a lot becuase I have to let off steam. Bringing up the Max-monkey is no easy job. He's a little bit of an intense person (that was an understatement). He's a lot intense. It's been a while since he's wished we were dead, or wished he was dead. But I know we're not through with that. So I spend a certain amount of time waiting for the ax to fall. As well as mopping up blood.
He's a good kid. I love him very much.
Our computer at work is a laptop that is not connected to our computer at home. So usually I will post pictures in a draft at home and then do my blog writing over my third cup of (decaf) coffee at the store. I didn't have time today. After a really nice little cozy wrestle-fest in bed with the dog, the kid, me, and a dormant Philip, we had to get ready to go to a conference at Max's school. The kind where they tell you that your darling little angel of love and light has been tormenting the sweet kid that everyone loves and has been named number one sociopath of the whole school. The kind of meeting where they tell you how your kid has been watching too many episodes of Ninja Turtles and insists on re-enacting each episode play-by-play during circle time.
Actually, the meeting didn't go at all like that. This meeting went so differently than the one we had last year at Proctor Terrace for his Kindergarten year. Shockingly different. At last year's meeting we were sat down to study Max's test scores for the first two months of school. We were told what we needed to help him work on so that he can pass his next set of tests well enough to be considered eligable to enroll in Junior High in another five years. The teacher made it clear to us that while Max is a fine kid and all, she was really upset that he was the first kid in twelve years to refuse to finish making his turkey decoration. She had almost nothing personal to say about Max as a student. It was all about the tests and the fact that he didn't tow the line like all the other kids. Plus he talked too much. Plus it was made plain to us that we could just forget about sending him to Harvard because Proctor Terrace wasn't going to endorse his application.
Yeah, they take education as seriously as some people take meth. He took home stacks of homework every week. The paperwork we got as parents of a child attending the golden school were at least a half inch thick EVERY SINGLE WEEK. I have a thing about stacks of paperwork. They intimidate me and live in brain forever.
The meeting today was a whole different animal. First of all, Max's teacher (Mrs. Kimura) asked us if we had any questions for her. We talked about the bloody noses. We talked about his attitude which she said has improved amazingly from the first few weeks. She actually had nothing negative to say about him. In fact, she had nothing but good to say about him. I mean, she didn't say he's a gem (I wouldn't have believed that kind of talk anyway) but she said his only disadvantage is his age which only time will fix. He's a lot younger than everyone else in his class, consequently he has some maturity issues. What's amazing is how much Mrs. Kimura is willing to work with him, his peculiarities, his immaturity. I don't think they've had a single placement test yet. Yet Max is learning more than we expected, his attitude has amazingly improved at home too...he's reading us books for crying out loud!
I've heard quite a bit about how horrible the schools in Oregon are. Maybe there are some really shoddy ones out there. They're everywhere, after all. But I have got to say that I love his school right now. I love that his teacher is letting him learn in his own unique way, how flexible she is, yet still she has her rules and consequences and she gets results. It's not a school obsessed with test scores. They are not inundated with stacks of homework. They are letting the students be kids and learn without the kind of pressure Proctor Terrace puts on its students. Yet Max is learning so much so fast it's breathtaking. He's writing little books for us. He's reading us books too, simple ones, but that's still wonderful! He's coming home with numbers in his head and already embracing math concepts. He's shining at Memorial school in a way I don't think he would ever have shined at the more rigid Proctor Terrace where I think he would have fallen in the cracks for not being a standard kid.
Max is probably never going to love school. I have to admit though that I think it helps that Philip and I don't get upset about him not liking school. We tell him he has to go, but he doesn't have to like it. Giving him the freedom to hate school has taken some of the heat out of his attitude about it. He comes up with plots to avoid having to go to school and I calmly tell him where his plots have gone wrong. I've heard a few people gasp in shock when I've revealed that Max hates school...I know, a serious crime. I sometimes wonder if people think that a kid who doesn't like school is already three fourths of the way to becoming a drug addict or a pimp. Why on earth should any kid love school? I think the main thing is that I already know Max has an active imagination and an insatiable hunger for knowledge. His curiosity about absolutely everything says more about him than his attitude about school.
I think it's interesting that sometimes the kids who need the structure of school the most (like Max) are the ones who have the worst attitudes about it. Max is a boundary pusher (you knew that from the bags under my eyes) which is why it's so important for him to have firm boundaries at all times. When he doesn't have them he comes unglued.
I don't spend a lot of time telling the world what a perfect little specimen my baby is, because he's not. But sometimes I feel guilty about how much I complain about him because it leaves so much less room to say how much I love him. How proud I am that he's not an average kid, that he doesn't fit any mold, that he's smart, curious, funny, and inventive. It's hard to focus on his good qualities because I know he's going to have some big challenges in life too. Because of who he is. I complain a lot becuase I have to let off steam. Bringing up the Max-monkey is no easy job. He's a little bit of an intense person (that was an understatement). He's a lot intense. It's been a while since he's wished we were dead, or wished he was dead. But I know we're not through with that. So I spend a certain amount of time waiting for the ax to fall. As well as mopping up blood.
He's a good kid. I love him very much.