A Family Full Of Tics
Including a list of the 15 most memorable/influential books I've ever read.
This week at Max's psyche appointment we discussed the tics that accompany OCD. The doctor explained to me that OCD almost never exists as purely mental obsessiveness, there is always some physical manifestation of the mental obsessiveness. Tics aren't always noticeable to others but if you have OCD, you have some form of tic. I already knew all this but what I ddin't know was that tics can be simple, like a twitch of the face, or complex; the way I am constantly twisting the hems of my shirts around my fingers and pulling the fabric super tight is a complex tic. The doctor noticed a couple of possible tics in Max on our first visit. I noticed them before we took him to therapy and it was somethig I wondered if I was imagining. I'm not. Then I got to thinking about Philip and realized that he also has a couple of disctinct tics that he is most likely unaware of.We are a family of tics. A family of mildly obsessive compulsive people. When I say "mild" I do NOT mean that we live comfortably with it. I get really upset when people assume I am coping well with things just because I am not catatonic, drooling, freaking out on the freeway, or trying to kill myself. I wear most of my discomfort and lack of coping inside my skin where I never let you in. I kid you not- I would rather die than have everyone see me fall apart. It takes a tremendous amount of energy to keep all the feral freak-outs interior. I almost never cry. I talk about how I'm feeling here on my blog, but telling and showing are not the same.
Writing this book is bringing so much stuff to the surface and I think it's good for me. Seeing old issues in new light, or in first light, as it is in some cases. I am writing truths I never dared say even here. Never out loud even to myself in private. I am so scared of some of it that I can't even read my own work out loud. I can't bring it out into the open with my real voice. A friend told me that writers should read their work out loud to themselves to hear how it will sound to others. I can do that with a lot of my work. But not with some of this and it's strange to not even be able to open my mouth and say these words.
Now I'm going to do a meme that my friend Kelly did where you name 15 of the books that made the deepest impression on you without taking a long time to think of them.
1. Catcher In The Rye, by J.D. Salinger
I read this one when I was sixteen years old and going through what I would later refer to as my two year "nervous breakdown". Turned out to be not only completely true, but more serious than that. I completely related to Holden Caulfield and felt like this was the first time I read a book where the author seemed to understand being a misfit the way I did.
2. Madame Bovary, by Gustave Flaubert
This one made a deep impression of hate on me. I HATED this book. I HATED all the characters. I ended up feeling completely angry with Flaubert for writing a book completely populated by hideous people. It became my benchmark for miserable reading. Was such-and-such book as awful as Madame Bovary? It also gave me a literary reference point for real life characters resembling Madame Bovary. Sometimes the books we hate the most serve us in useful ways.
3. The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne
I was never interested in reading Hawthorne for my own sake but I had to read a book written by someone in the early American settlements and write a paper on it. I happened to find a handsome copy of this one from the Modern Library collection and read it. It was a revelation. I disliked most of the characters but it reminded me, perversely, of life in a hippie commune and it was incredible to twist my brain enough to see how puritans and hippies can be so much alike. The same way a person can be so right winged they are practically left winged.
4. The Color Purple, by Alice Walker
Heartbreaking, beautiful, wonderful, gorgeously told story. The way she brings hope and love to a lot of really harsh lives is incredible.
5. The Fifty Minute Hour, by Robert Lindner
Read this when I was sixteen. It was a book of case studies from a psychoanalyst's work.I really needed psychological help myself and had no access to it, so I started reading non-fiction books about mental illness and it was eye-opening and intriguing. It might have been the first non-fiction book that I found as riveting as fiction.
6. Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Bronte
I read this book whenever I'm feeling gothic. I've read it, oh, about a million times.
7. Island Of The Blue Dophins, by Scott O'Dell
This is the very first book I thought was so good I had to re-read it. And then re-read it again. And again. I loved the fact that these people lived self sufficiently for so long*. I don't even remember what the main character's names were, but the part where one of them is making thread from seaweed or sinews? Still think about that sometimes.
8. Vanity Fair, by William Makepeace Thackaray
I read a lot of classic literature when I was young, not because of school, but because I loved it. This book revolutionized my view of the classics because Thackaray wrote in a narrative form that was funny as hell, completely insulting his main characters in narrative asides, letting the author's own views be seen by the reader and it was like seeing the man behind the curtain. Plus, so funny!
9. Calvin Trillan- all of his work
First truly creative non-fiction I ever read. He makes me laugh so hard and I love his subject matter which is food.
10. Ordinary People, by Judith Guest
Having been obsessed with suicide as a young teen, reading this book felt like a breath of truth, the stuff no one ever talks about. Pointing out how quietly people can fall apart. It was kind of earth shaking for me.
11. Hot Water Music, by Charles Bukowski
I read this on sufferance. I hated it. It was dirty, grimy, pathetic, sad, sadistic, sick, icky, depressing as shit- but undeniably brilliant. I have a special little place for Bukowski in my mind- I can only hope I ever develop the skill to write as evocatively as he does, but please let my work be more uplifting. His words have stuck to my guts like oatmeal all these years and I'm half resentful and full of awe.
12. The Mists Of Avalon, by Marion Zimmer Bradley
This book is just amazing. LOVED it. I read it nonstop one weekend. Took me two days of almost no sleep, almost no food, and trying to ignore having to pee- which just goes to show you how good a good book can be.
13. One Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich, by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn
Totally made me rethink my evaluation of Russian literature being completely heavy dramatic depressing stuff. This book had such light. I did drink a lot of really strong black coffee and smoked a couple of packs of filterless cigarettes while reading it, which felt completely necessary. This book about a prisoner in a Russian Gulag is not depressing and really left me with hope for the spirit of human kind.
14. Madame, Will You Talk?, by Mary Stewart
Oh, she's so good. This is my favorite of her thriller genre. Always includes a good romance but what gets me is her incredible attention to detail and how she can build suspense with so little action. Love Mary Stewart!!!! Wait, that's not enough exclamation points: !!!!!!!!
15. Rebecca, by Daphne Du Maurier
Another great suspenseful novel. Very gothic in feeling and I never cease to be surprised at the turn of events and the revelations, even though I've read it several times. I have a Modern Library copy with expecially fine paper and smooth cover that I treasure.
Your Turn!!!!
*Might have only been the one girl? But then I seem to recall there was one other person on the island? Man, that was a long time ago.
Comments (10)
Angelina,
The Color Purple and Island of the Blue Dolphins would both be in my top 5. I have read them both many times. I think that the most influential books in my life recently have been The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food by Micheal Pollan.I adore non-fiction books about food and gardening. I'm reading one right now about Luther Burbank called The Garden of Invention. As far as Fiction books go, there is nothing I enjoy more than a Historical Romance novel set in England or Scotland. They are my guilty pleasure, but none of them are memorable enough to list :)
Posted by Sarah | June 18, 2009 1:24 PM
Posted on June 18, 2009 13:24
I'm going to do this meme, but later today if I have more time. I read Island of Blue Dolphins as a child and it really stuck with me. The bravery and self sufficient girl. I think my interest in "sustainable living" was sparked by that book.
P.S. the author of Mists of Avalon is Marion Zimmer Bradley... My copy of that book is so well loved it is falling apart
Posted by alison | June 18, 2009 2:07 PM
Posted on June 18, 2009 14:07
Just changed it! Ha! McCaffrey wrote a different series that I LOVED (The Dragonriders Of Pern). I get them confused, which I'm sure they wouldn't appreciate.
I loved Pollan's book "The Botany Of Desire" but never finished "Omnivore's Dilemma" though what I read was quite good. I also love non-fiction about food and gardening.
Posted by angelina | June 18, 2009 2:15 PM
Posted on June 18, 2009 14:15
Madam, Will you talk? is great. I love Mary Stewart. I also really enjoy re-reading The Little Broomstick by her. As a kid I could not get enough of Madeline L'Engle's books, A Wrinkle in Time especially. Catcher in the Rye is on my list too as is Mists of Avalon. I like a lot of Dickens-not sure which I would have on my list though. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. Tolkien. I like reading biographies T.S. Eliot's and Antoine de St. Exupery's are two recent reads that I enjoyed. May Sarton's, The Fur Person is kind and sweet. Countless folk and fairy tales. Jane Eyre. Not very coherent of a list and not really of book titles as it is of favorite authors.
Posted by tonia | June 18, 2009 7:30 PM
Posted on June 18, 2009 19:30
It's hard for me to do a list like this without wanting to think it through and weigh things. When I was younger, I used to know what my favorite book was at any time...so I'll start there and maybe something will come to me. So in chronological, rather than of most importance, order.
1. The Junior Classics. Volume 1 Folk and Fairy Tales. This is a massive collection of fairy tales from all over the world in wonderful (pre-Disneyfied) translation. The first book in what became a large collection of fairy tales and myths.
2. The Island of the Blue Dolphins. I read this when I was 11 or 12 and realize that I still like Robinson Crusoe-type books where the main character has to survive alone (although I've never read Robinson Crusoe). Another book I read about the same age was My Side of the Mountain. This bore fruit later in a guilty pleasure: The Clan of the Cave Bear books (especially The Valley of Horses)
3. A Lantern in Her Hand. A novel about settling Nebraska. I stories about pioneers.
4. Jane Eyre. This book probably influenced me more than any other on the list. I saw the George C. Scott TV movie version which got me to read the book. It was my favorite book from junior high school through college. I can still hear Jane's voice in certain situations. It also influenced me to make all my own clothes and wear nothing but long dresses and capes for about 10 years.
5. Gone with the Wind. I read it first in the summer of before my senior year in high school on the long move from Nevada to Texas. I didn't think much of it then, but the older I get the more I love it. Now I reread it almost every summer. I guess it made me loathe how smart girls are supposed to pretend they aren't and realize how difficult it is to be a T-type woman.
[Some science fiction: The Man Who Fell to Earth and Rite of Passage]
6. Brideshead Revisited. I was still a Catholic when I read this book in concert with the Masterpiece Theater version of it. (I never read ahead). I loved all the characters and someone I know even named his daughter after one of them. The language. Wow.
7. The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I love everything about this book even though these days it is passe and everyone rolls their eyes over it.
I don't read very much adult fiction. I did a summer of Barbara Holland and another summer of Willa Cather and several years of Patrick O'Brian. The writing is great but it doesn't make me feel the same way as my old familiar books do.
Books are like friends and I don't cotton to new ones easily. I'm most comfortable with my old favorites. Perhaps oddly, I mostly enjoy reading "childrens" books. Maybe it's coming full circle with the fairy tales. But my favorites are the Little House books, the Sherwood Ring, I Capture the Castle, The Railway Children, Daddy Longlegs, Wheel on the School.
Mostly I prefer memoirs, biography, and other non-fiction.
Posted by mss @ Words Into Bytes | June 18, 2009 8:24 PM
Posted on June 18, 2009 20:24
My favorites almost always tend to be fantasy or YA fiction, but I'm realizing now that mostly has to do with authors -- Mss is right, they're like old friends and I have a hard time finding new ones that I have such rapport with. I don't call any genre a favorite or not, but most of the authors that I love so ferociously write in those two categories.
In no particular order -
1. My Side of the Mountain and Hatchet -- I read these in... fourth grade? and immediately wanted to run away to a mountain and live by myself. I still do (very much so!), but in the past year I've realized how much of a larger impact these had on me; I have no doubt that my interest in homesteading and "simple living" (eesh, I'm starting to hate that phrase) have their roots in these books.
2. Dangerous Angels by Francesca Lia Block -- Read when I was sixteen or so, and this book (actually a compilation of five or so books) is beauty and magic and grimy LA wilderness, and it made me realize just how important wonder is. I've forgotten that lately.
3. The Great Gatsby -- HAAAAAAATE. This is mostly the fault of a teacher (it was on a school reading list) and she would not. stop. analyzing. this book all damn year. EVERYTHING was compared to it, EVERYTHING was picked apart for symbology, and I can't stand it. I recognize that it's a fine book on its own, but I can't even think about it without getting a little irritated. Same goes for A Tale of Two Cities.
4. The Innkeeper's Song and The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle -- I don't even remember when I first read these (one came first, and everything else in his catalogue was devoured immediately after), but they cemented Beagle as one of my best and greatest literary loves. I can't even start talking about his writing because it's hard for me to stop gushing.
5. The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern (only the good parts, of course) -- This was the first book I read where the writer really didn't take himself seriously at all, and it was so refreshing (and hilarious). Many asides to the reader, footnotes that ran on for pages, a bit of poking fun at various genres & cliches -- the movie was so good because the book is fantastic.
and now I reach the point where I start gibbering authors -- Neil Gaiman, Herman Hesse, Anais Nin & Henry Miller, China Mieville, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Richard Brautigan, Lawrence Durrell, Tom Robbins, Jack Kerouac, Hunter S. Thompson, Bill Watterson, Tolkein, Roald Dahl, Alan Moore, Ayn Rand, Phillip Pullman.... all of these have had huge impact one me, and no way can I choose one book to represent them.
Posted by miss lila | June 19, 2009 8:53 AM
Posted on June 19, 2009 08:53
I had to tell you, in island of the blue dolphins, it was her younger brother with her (her name started with a K, I remember because mine does too lol) and she got stuck on the island because he was saving a spear or something and got left behind, so she jumped off the boat into the water and went to him, but the boat never came back for them. He dies later on after being attacked by the wild dogs on the island, and she lived for many years alone until she got 'rescued'.
As you can tell, it's one of my top books as well!
Posted by Kerri | June 19, 2009 9:31 PM
Posted on June 19, 2009 21:31
Narrowing it down to 15 is the problem here!
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen. Love it, love it, love it! 2. A Clockwork Orange - Antony Burgess. The physicality and visceral quality of the writing is so compelling and endlessly readable. 3. American Psycho - Bret Easton Ellis. Hated reading this, the violence is really sickening, but the book is so clever, it changed the way I think about novels forever. 4. Songs on Bronze - Dr Nigel Spivey. Lyrical and moving retelling of Greek myth. 5. How to Eat - Nigella Lawson. This book taught me to cook. 6. 1984 - George Orwell. I love dystopia, and this is so full of quiet, snide humour, and complete horror. 7. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley. More dystopia, but darker and, I think, more disturbing. 8. Carpe Jugulum - Terry Pratchett. Funny, silly and profound. 9. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath. 10. Don Quixote - Cervantes. Hard going, but so worth it. 11. The Hobbit - Tolkien. 12. The Virgin Suicides - Jeffrey Eugenides. 13. The Monk - Matthew Lewis. This is a gothic masterpiece! 14. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Hardy. 15. The Homeric epics.
Oooh, I so enjoyed that! :D
Posted by Beth | June 20, 2009 11:20 AM
Posted on June 20, 2009 11:20
My stepdad loves Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, but I have never gotten around to reading him. Maybe I should. It is hard to narrow down to favorite books when you have read so many. I think I'll try to remember authors chronologically.
Boxcar Children series - Gertrude Chandler Warner
The Witches - Roald Dahl
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
Escape to Witch Mountain - Alexander Key
Anne of Green Gables series - LM Montgomery
Wrinkle in Time series - Madeleine L'Engle
Foundation series - Isaac Asimov
Vampire series - Anne Rice
David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
Jitterbug Perfume - Tom Robbins
Notes from the Underground - Fyodor Dostoevsky
The Nose [Short Stories] - Nicolai Gogol
Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
The Sorrows of Young Werther - Johann von Goethe
VALIS - Phillip K. Dick
The Sparrow - Mary Doria Russell
American Gods - Neil Gaiman
Stranger in a Strange Land - Robert A. Heinlen
Unbearable Lightness of Being - Milan Kundera
Elegance of the Hedgehog - Muriel Barbery
Oryx & Crake - Margaret Atwood
Posted by Jade | June 22, 2009 8:08 AM
Posted on June 22, 2009 08:08
I am loving seeing all of your lists and keeping them narrowed really is hard. Now I see so many of my own other favorites that I can't believe I forgot to include on my list (but what to bump?) I am remembering so many good reads. I am only coming up for air right now from some very intense writing for the book. I will post again soon and i would like to respond more individually to each of these lists- but please say you'll forgive me if I forget? Because this is really intense right now. There will be an end and things will mostly return to normal!
Margaret Atwood!!
I adore you all my friends. OK, back underwater for me now.
Posted by angelina | June 22, 2009 10:18 PM
Posted on June 22, 2009 22:18