My Weekend With Edward And Bella

I have been called "fancy" by quite a few people.  One person I worked with at the tie company used to constantly comment on my use of "fancy" words.  I might say something chatty like "I'm completely famished!" in the lunch room and she would get all excited and nudge whoever else happened to be standing there and gush "Angelina speaks so elegantly!" which was mortifying.  I could have understood her raptures if I had just delivered myself of a tortured soliloquy, or made a moving speech about human rights, but to have someone gush  about how intelligent, erudite, and fancy I am because I used the word "famished" instead of "hungry" like a normal moron made me excessively uncomfortable.  I admit that I became scared of my fan club of one and worked very hard to uncoil her grip on my existence.


I had an acquaintance once who heard me playing classical music in the background while we were having an ordinary conversation on the phone about math and she said to her boyfriend "Oh!  Angelina's playing fancy music!"  This made me feel a little like a sideshow.  I tried to expostulate that classical music is not at all fancy but she wouldn't agree.  "We don't play fancy music like that at our house." she said. Growing up in a household full of naked pot smoking hippies doesn't lead a person to think of themselves as being the slightest bit fancy.  My wild parents listened to a lot of classical music mixed in with our normal folk music fare.  The Brandenburg concertos were woven just as tightly in our family cloth as the folk fare was.  My parents are not fancy people.

A good friend once showed genuine surprise that I enjoyed hanging out with a couple of stinky goats that belonged to her close friend we were visiting.  I was surprised by her surprise.  I have always been an animal lover.  In fact, I often prefer hanging out with the animals rather than the people.  I have always got in the pen with the chickens.  I have mucked a lot of animal crap in my day.  She may not have actually used the word "fancy" but if not, she may as well have. 


It seems to cause people surprise to learn of my entertainment tastes.  Some people assume that I am not a fan of popular culture because I have read a lot of serious literature.  But regular readers here know me better than that, I think, and will not be shocked to find out that I rented "Twilight" and am now obsessed with the movie.  I have not read any of the books and after some good Facebook discussion I am convinced that to protect my enjoyment of the movie I must not read the books.  I may also decide not to see any more of the movies as they come out.



I love Edward and Bella!  While teen love isn't generally of great interest to me, I have always been a sucker for vampire stories.  You can take the rice powder away from the death rock chick but you can't take away her gothic soul.  I read all of the vampire books by Ann Rice.  OK, I got really tired of them after the first few.  She went too far.  Writers have a habit of taking characters too far; making them perfect and then distorting them to the point where I feel betrayed.  I don't like feeling betrayed by my entertainment.  I loved "The Hunger" though it is a little bloody for my taste. 

Being the fancy person that I am I found myself lulled into love by all the Bach they used in the soundtrack.  Plus, it cannot be denied that my deep love for David Bowie and his hotness were a real draw. Oh, and let's not forget that incredible figure of class- Catherine Deneuve, whose hotness rivals everyone else's.

I love the Buffy The Vampire Slayer series and one of my favorite parts was the relationship she had with Angel the vampire.  I loved their sweet romance until Joss Weden started making them more like sexy bunnies getting it on all the time.  I found that quite tedious and unromantic.  Then he had to add insult to injury by making their love tragic and that's when I began to hate Joss just a little.*

I understand that those who have read the books may see everything differently than I do and I respect that.  I could not have been more outraged when they remade Emma with a blond,  blue eyed, insipid Gweneth Paltrow in the lead role.  I know how it feels to be let down between book and film.  I am seeing this one from the backwards perspective though.  I imagine that anyone who has never read Emma (which would inform them that she had dark hair and hazel eyes) might really enjoy Paltrow and the modern humor they tried to bring to the story.  I don't mind if others find enjoyment in what I couldn't like.

I love a sweet romance.  I do not like hot sticky sexy romance.  That's just sex.  Sex is very earthy.  It is base and natural and private and I don't ever want to see anyone doing it.  I have had the misfortune of catching an accidental live show and it aint pretty.  It aint romantic.  Romance is what comes before that.

I just wanted to be clear on that point.


I also need to get this out of the way: I love Robert Pattinson's teeth and am somewhat fixated on them.**  I kind of wish I had those teeth instead of my own.  Which might sound creepy but maybe makes more sense when I tell you that I feel like I am a little like Edward Cullens.  Or that I was like him when I was a teen.  Which, on second thought, doesn't sound any more or less creepy. 


What's to love about an urgent Romeo and Juliet style of teen love that is sudden and moody?  You have to ask?  Alright: the chivalry really gets me.  I love chivalry.  I am moved by it when I experience it myself.  When a young person experiences, for the first time, a real connection with a human being outside of themselves and are roused to a sense of protectiveness for this person, it is the moment real adulthood begins.  Teen love is certainly a big rush of hormones, lust, excitement, and yes, they want the sex.  But I don't think a man becomes a man until he goes through this experience of wanting to protect and love a person as much as he desires them physically.

Learning to love another person more than yourself is a difficult hurdle for the young and marks the division between childishness and maturity.  Most people fuck it up the first time around. 


(This discussion will continue in the following post.  I don't want to risk overwhelming you all with my intelligent dissection of teen culture, the intense burden put on writers, actors, and singers to provide proper role models for youth, and how chivalry and chauvenism are not the same thing.)




*I'm just kidding, Joss.

**Don't worry, Robert, I will not try to steal them from you while you sleep.***

***And you will please ignore that I even said that and not be terrified.  I'm much too old and fat to stalk young people for their teeth. I tire easily.  Truly, you don't need to go back to therapy on my account.