No Bittersweet Nostalgia

If you follow the arrow and go back in time to 21 years ago you will find me in this building sitting at a tall stool in a classroom full of hefty shears, manilla paper, industrial punches, and other students like me all sweltering in the stuffy room wishing for the famous San Francisco chill air to come back.  This building is at the corner of Market and Powell and used to house Woolworth's which even had a little cafe counter where you could get coffee and pie- long before Walmart thought of the idea of dosing customers with sugar and caffeine.  It's nice to know that there aren't many original ideas out there.

Nostalgia is not bittersweet or bitter or particularly deep for me.  In fact, I really don't feel sentimental at all for the past.  The only thing enjoyable about looking back, for me, is knowing I can't actually be shoved back in time permanently.  A quick look up at a tall building into the dark glass that used to house all my dreams is enough for me.  It's interesting to see how things change.

I'm pretty damn happy that I didn't become a rich and famous fashion designer because if I had I might not be so elated to see that my Elephant Heart plum tree is actually opening blossoms today!!

Right now I'm so happy to be home.  Philip built the beds for the peach trees and today I can order dirt to be delivered tomorrow!  I don't get to do any of the shoveling (yahoo!) because of this pesky broken rib, but spring is really and truly under way and there are many less arduous tasks I can get busy with like planting seeds. 

What's waiting for me downstairs is an ugly kitchen scene and nothing to eat.  Dishes, sweeping, cooking...boys don't do so well in this department.  I suppose I really need to get my head back into the present enough to make the next psychologist appointment for Max too.  And get reading my homework. 

Life really is good.  One of my friends made reference to the bunches of misfortune that seem to follow a couple of her friends around and I happened to be one of those friends she was referring to.  We were talking about the lessons presented in the events of our living and about being fortunate (or not).  I do sometimes feel like misfortune follows me around like a lost three legged puppy but I also feel so much satisfaction in so many of the every day things I do that there is a lot of excitement and joy in my life.

If there is any larger lesson to be learned in the map of my life I think it's that life is always going to be a little tumultuous for us.  Life is always going to challenge the crap out of us.  Hell, we're proud if we make phone calls we are expected to make rather than avoid them for an additional month because celebrating our small triumphs is important to people like us.  The lesson is to find my happiness where I can, in the every day, in the tiny details, because the big picture is just one big uphill climb with mudslides.  If every time I wake up, whether intact or not, I get to look forward to the simple joy of three cups of hot mostly decaf coffee?

Isn't that what makes life worth getting up for?