Sunshine and button love

Between the buttons I got at Schoolhouse antiques and the lovely collection sent to me by my blog friend at Zanthan Gardens, I have been able to indulge in button love for the first time in a long time. I realize that it sounds kind of kinky, but you wouldn't let your dirty mind think things like that if you knew just how boringly unkinky I am.* I have been dumping out my collection in moments when I'm feeling dull and stressed and laying them all out to be examined. I find it soothing and uplifting. Buttons are the ultimate in functional objects that double as decoration.

I realized that I need to scour the earth for more of these treasures before they become so collectible that I can't afford to buy any more at all; before the rest of you amazing crafters out there gather them all up for yourselves. So I returned to Schoolhouse Antiques and bought the second smaller bottle of buttons and looked around a little harder for other button treasures.

Look what I found!! About thirty carded buttons. They aren't necessarily really exciting examples of button design, but there are some great colors, some really sweet tiny buttons, and a few really interesting ones. They weren't exactly cheap, but they were less expensive per card than most buttons you can buy at JoAnne's. What a score!

Yesterday, while walking the dog, I tripped and fell in front of some people. I didn't just stumble. I sprawled myself out on the pavement at which point my dog got very confused and excited and made it almost impossible for me to get up again because she was tangling her leash up around herself (and me) and kept knocking me back down. I don't actually think of myself as being particularly klutzy. I know I don't walk this earth with great grace, but I'm not always bumping into things or falling all over myself. But the last time I fell down I broke my hip.

So you can imagine that on top of my humiliation at having been laid out for all to see in a mess of dog chain and sidewalk, I kind of felt like maybe I should just stay inside where it's relatively safe and never go out walking again. I didn't break anything. I did scrape up one of my knees though like a 37 year old kid.

This kind of stuff doesn't happen to people wearing Armani. I think we need to make enough money so that I can wear some Alexander McQueen outfits. I wouldn't ever scrape my knee or break my hip wearing clothes like that, right? Don't clothes like that impart a certain grace that prevents these little public demonstrations of humor?

By the way, in case anyone was asking themselves "I wonder what Angelina thinks of Karl Lagerfeld?" I'll tell you: I think he's a living skinny scab of a human being who not only doesn't design anything I like, but has been quoted as saying "You can never be too rich or too thin" which is not only not very original for a poncy gay man** to say, but also shows that he's one of those awful people perpetuating the idea that skeletal is somehow desirable. I think he looked way better before he lost so much weight and started wearing skin-tight black jeans. He now has a head so big in proportion to his body that he reminds me of a jack-o-lantern in really stupid sunglasses.

I am going to take a moment now to say something I've been meaning to say on this subject: one of the reasons why it's so attractive for designers to perpetuate the whole stick thin phenomenon is because it is much easier to draft clothes for people with no breasts, hips, or asses than it is to design attractive clothes on a person who is curvy. So a lot of designers out there would find their work much more challenging if it became popular again to have a figure with something to grab onto. All the skill is in the curves. Donna Karan, though I don't always love her style, is one of the few designers who is already known for her ability to design clothes that look good on a curvier body. She designs for women, not for prepubescent teens.

Which is why I hate the fact that she hires such bean poles for her ad campaigns just like all the other designers do.

Until I see all runways with size twelve models on them, I will not be impressed with our current line-up of designers. This is the litmus test for good design, in my opinion: if you can send a size 12 model down the cat walk looking sexy and smashing, then you have skill. After all, a size twelve isn't particularly large.

It's getting warm out so I had better haul myself out to the garden to water my plants. I tried to find sun screen at Safeway yesterday but they didn't have any from less toxic companies than Coppertone, so I'll have to check in at the Health Food store to see what they have on offer. Last year I used Aveeno sunscreen and was very happy with it. Since I go out there in the sun unarmed, I suppose I better be wearing my hat at least.

I just had the most uncomfortable thought- have any women out there who like to bake themselves in the nude ever gotten a bad boob burn? Yikes!

On that happy note, I hope you all have a great Tuesday!

*I am very happy being sexually unexperimental, just so you know. I like sex without accouterments or role playing, or humiliation to either party. I like it just fine without being turned into a circus act. That is more than anyone needed to know, but I just wanted to set the record straight right now. But don't worry, I mostly don't judge you for enjoying a little "French Maid" outfit every now and then.

**Just to be clear-I have no objections to anyone being gay, but I do object to them being scabs who are insufferable and so full of themselves and so stupid that they could actually believe that saying things like "you can never be too rich or too thin" makes them fabulous, especially when the person who says it happens to be both too rich and too thin.