Between the trenches

I am having a lot of trouble keeping myself organized enough to make the store move. My mom is helping out by listing our furniture on Craig's list. I don't understand how come more people haven't been banging on the store doors to get in and shop, doesn't everyone love a sale? Especially a really good one. Why is it that when we have a sale, (with signs hugely posted in our windows, the door, and also all over the store) people don't get more excited? Are we putting out the wrong vibe. Are there vibes radiating from our store that go something like "these people aren't serious about their sale...move on...move on...."?*

Anyway. It just means I have more stuff to move. Don't want to move more stuff. Must sell the furniture that's not coming home with me. I can only hope that Craig's List will do it's magic for us. Because if it doesn't, I'm going to have to conclude that unlike other people, no matter how collectible or valuable my things are, something in the Universe refuses to let me make a single cent off of my discards. I'm the kind of person who could spend all day trying to sell my cool stuff cheap at a garage sale and end up making five dollars.

I consider this a curse. This is why I never try to sell my discards. I just donate it to the Good Will. But this time I am motivated by the lack of money in our accounts and the lack of jobs which underlines the slim bottom line. We can pay July's bills, and then, we're up shit creek. So if you are an editor in need of a new daring columnist willing to pay a salary, will you please stop dilly dallying and give me the damn job already?!

I got a storage unit yesterday for all the back stock for the on-line store. I opted not to get a large storage space because I decided that I 'm not moving furniture into it. It must sell. My mom immediately gets freaked in the inimitable urgent way she does and told me it won't be big enough. Too bad. Too bad. It has to be.

She's really trying to help me out in this whole transition and I need it. She picked up tile samples for my studio. I was thinking I might like Mexican tiles in there. (They didn't have any because this is Yamhill County). After she made the effort to do this and bring a couple of samples home for me, I realized that I can't afford to put tiles in there anyway. No matter how ugly the carpet is (and it's ugly-though not as ugly as orange shag would be) I can't afford new flooring. Here's what I can afford: paint, curtains, and demolition of the ugly built in 1970's desk. But only if I do it all myself. That's it. This is remodel on a budget of nothing.

I'm going to admit here that I am filling up with pictures of us all holding up cardboard signs asking for food in front of Walmart since that's where most of America is spending their money for total crap. I used to always assume that I could find a good job, or that Philip could. After two years of Philip not finding employment with anyone besides ourselves, I have less faith now. I'm finally really feeling the panic of this depressed economy. How will we ever make a living again? Philip has been getting lots of free-lance work but it's a lot of work and not coming close to paying the bills yet. I don't trust that it will, either.

It's kind of weird planning to set up my design studio at home again while not knowing if I will have to put my house up for sale in a month or two. I'm so tired of not having the tiniest bit of security.

While all this dire uncertainty is dogging me, milestones are being reached. I am getting included in a book for the first time in my life which feels like the beginning of something; the post with the announcement about my being included in the book got the most number of comments for one post that I've ever received; yesterday marks the first time the traffic at my blog has reached over two hundred visits in one day (and only 50 of those were me!); and I finally have the material for a whole book.

Can one write a book while pan handling? Do agents ever sign up homeless people?

So if you all have any prayers left for non-religious people after all the knee bending you've been doing for the truly deserving such as all the orphans and widow of the senseless war, and all the people already on the streets starving to death, and all the people losing their homes because the economy has been plunged into a deep depression from which only the very rich will come out alright, then please, if there's any prayer left in you: could you pray that my furniture sells so that we can pay a few more bills and not have to move them or give them away for free?

Thanks.

*Incidentally, this also brings up the question of why almost no one from our mailing list has come to get great merchandise for 40% off. And why all these people who come in and express how sorry they are to see us go didn't spend more money in our store and why they aren't shopping for the sale? It makes their words meaningless. The reason we are closing is because all these sad sacks didn't love our store enough to spend money in it, just to make me feel bad for taking away their browsing fun.

I feel betrayed. Except by a few very loyal and supportive customers who always came to us to buy presents and I will treasure them forever: Louise, Susan, and Carol!!!! Lots of love for you guys.