Headless Elizabeth
Yesterday I spent three hours scouring the computer for a bride for BBQ Bob. As I've mentioned before, I was hoping to find a girl mannequin that wasn't rail thin and had cute hair. I used a number of searches containing the words "plus size" or "size 14" and what did I come up with? There is only one plus size mannequin out there right now. Her name is Elilzabeth and she has no head. You heard right, she is headless
I was at the store while looking up mannequins and I have to tell you that looking at an endless parade of pictures of naked fake people feels a little like looking up prospective blow-up partners in a sex shop. Which I have actually never done since I'm not a kinky person. (I'm also not a man, do women ever use blow up dolls?) Anyway, some of these mannequins are being made super busty for places like
Three hours looking for a bride for Bob put me in such a surreal world. My head started to spin. I'm pretty sure I've seen every internet store that sells mannequins, plus the one thousand female mannequins being currently listed on e-bay. Still I can't decide. The one that has the cute hair has an especially stiff pose. The best mannequins I saw yesterday were at least $700. Those ones had good poses and body definition. But I can't afford such a costly bride for Bob. I want to tell myself that I can always upgrade later when we are swimming in money. I realize just how crazy this will make me sound, but I can't bear to plan an upgrade on a wife for Bob because it sounds too much like what happens to women in real life all the time. The lines between reality and the window world are blurring.
It might turn out to be unsafe to spend too much time in mannequin world. But here's what weirded me out the most: what's up with the plus-size model being headless? And why on earth can't there be any models who are a size eight or ten? That's not big, that's just healthy and normal and nice. Why must my choice be between a size four girl in a stiff pose or a size fourteen girl with no head? What does that say about the commercial world? I can get whatever mannequin I want made special if I'm willing to spend over a thousand dollars. But I can't. I think in the end I'm going to just have to get the BBQ Sue with the cute bob and good make-up. I won't be able to dress her in my old "skinny" clothes because I haven't been as skinny as her since I was in the fourth grade. Don't get me wrong either, I don't actually have any dislike of thin people or thinness. I really don't. Unless they're doing unhealthy things to get that way. Or unless they are purposely encouraging their skeletal frame to burst through their skin. There are plenty of women out there who maintain a thin figure through leading a healthy life and who look great doing it. I'm not actually sure why I'm being so defensive about it. I guess I just don't want to alienate cool thin people with all my disdain for thin fake people.
Maybe the truth is that I will feel intimidated to work in my own store if my girl mannequin is all diminutive and cute and then when people come in they will be shocked to find that the shop keeper is a serious porker who looks like she should be working in K-mart what with her underwhelming wardrobe. Maybe I'm doing that classic awful reverse meanness, I feel gross and hideous being fat and so I reflect my feelings about myself onto the people I envy? I don't usually think of myself as being so tortuously layered with hidden agendas. No, I really don't think I secretly wish I was a size four. I not so secretly think women look much hotter when they are a little bit fleshy. (Just don't cross over the line to my size is all I suggest.)
See how much mannequin shopping can make your brain spin? See how much it makes you examine your motives, your sexuality, your self image? Amazing. It's difficult explain why such a creepy underworld of fiberglass people fascinates me, why I'm excited to dress windows with them. Why I enjoy playing with them so much. Wait a minute...it's not difficult at all. They're basically like giant Barbie dolls. The ultimate Barbie dolls! Wow! I know it's not cool to admit to having been mad for Barbie dolls when I was a little girl. It's so much cooler to say I was a tom-boy. A rough and ready girl playing sports with the boys. (Well, I did that too...) But my favorite toys of all time was my vast collection of barbies and Barbie paraphernalia. I'm just finding the grown up version. What a revelation.