The Hopefuls

In my gardening fever, brought on by that languid warm weather, I bought a little flat of peppers, winter savory, chard and pansies. I didn't end up having time to get them in the ground right away, as I intended. So here they sit, on the patio table: The hopefuls. I walked past them yesterday evening as I was going to water the potatoes and the tomatoes, and they had a reaching sweet demeanor. The longing in these little starts was palpable. (Maybe not to the naked sane eye, but to an alert crazy eye...) I stopped. Suddenly it came to me that they were like the chorus girl hopefuls in 1930's films about showbiz; hanging out by the stage door hoping someone else would break an ankle and give them their chance to shine...

You might even say that this Rudebekia and Scabiosa (slightly hidden by the oregano) are understudies. One of my favorite cut flower combinations is Black Eyed Susan with Grandmother's pincushion. Here they are: hopeful.

Which is interesting because yesterday was one of those awful days, directly following a really good one, when your whole bubble is burst by looking at your bank statement. The one you have been studiously avoiding. Because the only way to get through to the successful end is to not notice how close to failing you really are. Eventually you have to look. It's like looking down a very deep grave. We are perched in the maw of failure. Waiting for the beast to keel over suddenly, releasing us to a brighter future.

OK, I was letting myself get carried away there. Businesses can fail or succeed by the narrowest margin. I had been hoping that Philip wouldn't need to look for work until the end of August, by which time I was hoping he wouldn't need to because we would be doing spectacularly well during tourist season. Time has run out sooner than I anticipated. So our choice is to drift along and hope to god it all comes together and if it doesn't: liquidate. Or, Philip can get a job and Dustpan Alley can stay open until it reaches that critical mass needed to ensure it's success. If Philip does get a job (and I can't bear to consider what will happen if he can't) then Max will have to go into some kind of day care.

It is not my intention to be critical of choices that other people have made, but I have to admit that this seems like one of the worst things I could do to Max. Some children are very flexible in their environments and their needs. Max is not such a child. I also didn't have a child so that I could put him in the care of other people. I realize that sometimes life demands that you make choices that you aren't happy about. There are a lot of parents out there who have had to put their kids in daycare in order to pay the bills, which is rather an important duty of parents. Without money, it doesn't matter how nurturing a parent you are, your children will not thrive. Before we give them education, or positive discipline, or ideals: we must give them food and shelter.

The question all business owners must ask themselves at some point is: what am I willing to do to make this enterprise succeed? How far am I willing to go?

This is all coming up at a time when things are actually beginning to take off for our business. It just isn't taking off fast enough. Timing is everything. I am pretty sure that if we can hang on for another six months we will be there. Not making profits necessarily, but paying the bills.

None of this is anyone's business of course. Generally speaking, businesses don't advertise how they're actually doing. The general wisdom is that you keep your business concerns on the hush. Keep your cards under the table. Don't let 'em see you sweat. Not only is this not the way I operate in my life EVER, this blog has been a place to record the ups and downs of starting a new business. So I keep on keeping on with the cards on the table for all to see. In some ways I kind of hope it's helpful to everyone else out there starting their own businesses similar to mine.

What I could really use right now? Some advice from someone who has done exactly what we're doing, and was successful. That's right: Posie Gets Cozy. This is when I really wish Alicia Paulson had already written a book about the nitty gritty of opening a brick and mortar store and also running a web store. What were her best tactics? What were her most effective ways of getting the word out? Was she ever anxious that it wouldn't be successful? Did she go through a lot of ups and downs? Was it slow at first in her store? She's really a star to me, not because she's neat and tidy (because we all know how much I care about being neat and tidy), but because she built a great unique business and even though she decided to close the brick and mortar, she's still successfully selling her amazing crafts online. How does she do it?

I don't want to read books written by empire builders. I don't want a business primer written by a financial wizard. I want to read about how someone an awful lot like me made a business successful. If Alicia isn't going to write one, then maybe I'll have to do it myself. Except I may need to title it something like "How not to build your business" or "The seven laws of growing a business too slowly..." or how about "They were right, you CAN'T build a business on less than a million..."

I admit that I'm worried. And scared. We are so close to becoming successful, or failing. There are a ton of scenarios that are running through my head in which I am forced to deliver pizzas on my Vespa for minimum wage while Philip becomes a logger and loses a limb because so many of them do and we all move into a trailer park and all my teeth rot out of my head because that's what happens when you start living in a trailer park with other people whose teeth have rotted away on that amazing diet of Pepsi and Swanson dinners.

That's not really a very likely scenario. I am tenacious if I am nothing else, and Dustpan Alley will continue to evolve. If we end up having to shut up the shop, we will move operations to our house and keep the website. Dustpan Alley is far from over. See, Donald Trump and I really do have a lot in common. He didn't give up when he was "bankrupt", and look at him now, with that amazing comb over that everyone admires so much they're secretly growing one themselves.

The reason I am not huddled in a corner in tears is because I have a gut feeling that things are about to really come together. I think it's important, when you own a business, to plan what you will do when things fall apart, but at the same time, never give up the fight until you have to if you're passionate about what you're doing.

What I kept thinking about yesterday is that McMinnville needs us. Or at least, they need a store like us. What we have to offer is different than everything else here. We have practical goods, we have beautiful handmade goods, and we have edgy funny goods. People are responding really well to what we offer. Who would move into our space if we don't make it? Another wine shop? Would La Bella Casa open a third store? Then I couldn't help but feel certain that we will make it. But probably by the skin of our teeth.


We are the McMinnville hopefuls.