Homemaker Action Figure
If they ever design a homemaker action doll, can I be the designer? This would be her super suit: a Vespa helmet, goggles*, a cheerful apron, comfy black clothes, flip flops, and lipstick**...
She's ready for anything!Such as flying to a farm on the back roads letting the warm air rush past her; picking forty pounds of tomatoes and an apronful of ancho chilies in less than an hour; making one big batch of salsa even though the peppers were left behind*** in her super rush to make hay while the sun still shines; after hours she whipped up six batches of pesto for the freezer, filed all the papers that were threatening to kill her in a great big paper strangle, and though it was a struggle...she managed to write out a bunch of checks for bills all on just under 2,000 calories. Which included some modest amounts of beer.
That's right. You don't need to clean out your ears. I said MODEST amounts of beer. See, I'm very vain and it's finally getting to me that being as porky as I am prevents me from wearing my super-chic aprons without looking like myrtle the giant pig. (I would link to a picture of her majesty if I could access them on the old computer, but I can't. You'll have to use that fertile imagination of yours.) Myrtle is the biggest hog I have ever seen. Absolutely queenly proportions and some serious teeth with which to nosh on ears of corn with all the grace of a...of a...well, she's got no grace at all, actually. Anyway, the beer was modest, the hour of sleep not ridiculous.
Oh yes, and she managed to go to the gym and do the cardiovascular portion of her work out. Is that not all worthy of an action figure? Tell me Arnold can do better. You can't.
That's right. You don't need to clean out your ears. I said MODEST amounts of beer. See, I'm very vain and it's finally getting to me that being as porky as I am prevents me from wearing my super-chic aprons without looking like myrtle the giant pig. (I would link to a picture of her majesty if I could access them on the old computer, but I can't. You'll have to use that fertile imagination of yours.) Myrtle is the biggest hog I have ever seen. Absolutely queenly proportions and some serious teeth with which to nosh on ears of corn with all the grace of a...of a...well, she's got no grace at all, actually. Anyway, the beer was modest, the hour of sleep not ridiculous.
Oh yes, and she managed to go to the gym and do the cardiovascular portion of her work out. Is that not all worthy of an action figure? Tell me Arnold can do better. You can't.
*Sunglasses are way cooler looking but I broke mine while picking tomatoes and if you don't wear some sort of protective eye-wear while scootering your eyeballs become a mini-windscreen against which bugs will die. I had these goggles at home waiting to be worn for rainy conditions or night time driving when sunglasses would be dangerous. But I think they have a serious dork factor to them.
**About the lack of lipstick...I admit that my ensemble wasn't complete and there's no excuse not to wear lipstick to go tomato picking. Something I will rectify today.
**About the lack of lipstick...I admit that my ensemble wasn't complete and there's no excuse not to wear lipstick to go tomato picking. Something I will rectify today.
***In her girl scout-like preparedness she had a bag full of jalapeno peppers picked just two days previously waiting to be used and in a dexterous switching of recipes, she made do.
Labels: action figure, harvest, homemaker, salsa, scooters, tomatoes