The big dust round up of '07

This is what my office looked like at 9:57am January 4, 2007.

Exactly four hours later, at 1:57pm, (on the same day), it didn't actually look all that different except for the missing 1/4 inch thick sheen of dust on the surface of everything (all of it is now in my nose) and some things have been put away.

Here is a better before shot of the desk.

The before shot of the shelving unit.

It's more colorful, and everything is more organized, but not so you can notice.

This is one of the interesting artifacts you can view at the Williamson Home Museum: Anatomical man filled with spent bebe gun pellets, a smooth flat stone, and a few shiny ball bearings. (Put together for your viewing pleasure by the world's youngest curator, Max.)


As much as I had hoped to achieve more dramatic effects with my four hour organizing and cleaning extravaganza, it was satisfying. My head is beginning to clear. (Well, technically it's a little fuzzy from all the dust I inhaled, but the brain is feeling so much cleaner.) This office has actually never been cleaned in the nine months we've been living here. I mean, I vacuumed it a couple of times, but never actually dusted or put anything away.

This is all in aid of getting my act together to tackle the huge amount of things I need to get done. (Cleaning up my house and organizing it were on the list too.) I will be able to work better and more efficiently if I know where things are, and they aren't covered in nine month's worth of dust.

I have to announce that the eleven packages set to be sent out (plus a couple of other unrelated packages) will have to wait until next week. I haven't finished the pot holders yet for all of you who participated in my "Worst Gift Ever" contest. I have to do some more around here first. You can understand that, right? Saturday is my birthday and I'd like to make my house shine before I wake up and do absolutely nothing all day long. Next week I will be a work horse! I promise none of you have been forgotten.

Here are a couple of tips on tackling a nine month sheen of dust, piles of paperwork older than that, and two days of dog hair on every surface of the house:

• Sit down and look at the dust really hard for, like, maybe an hour. This way you'll burn the image of how thick it was in your memory before you went postal on it. Plus, it allows you to procrastinate actually dealing with it.

• With dust this thick, be sure to use a damp cloth to mop it up. If you blow on it or use a feather duster, you will swirl it around and you will suddenly feel like it's the nineteen thirties and you're trapped in the dust bowl with no work and food and you'll get so depressed you'll have to go take a shot of vodka. It will be very hard to get back on track after that. No one needs a Steinbeck moment like that in their life.

• Put on "Waiting For Herb" by the Pogues. Make sure you turn the volume up so that when they swear it feels almost as satisfying as when you swear yourself.

• Be sure to subdivide old piles. (That's the divide and conquer theory in action.) You're allowed only one pile to put off dealing with for later. And it better be smaller than the one you started with. Purge. Purge. Purge.

• Shave off all of your dog's fur so you don't find it in your cereal anymore. (Wasn't my dog supposed to be the special non-shedding variety of mutt? I thought heavy shedding was only supposed to happen to other people. What's up with the drifts of fuzz she leaves all over the place? There's so much of it I'm surprised she has any left on her body! And when I brush her, I can continue to collect wads of fur in the brush for as long as I have the energy to keep it up. I thought brushing an animal was supposed to reduce the shedding? Does my dog have the wrong kind of magical powers?)

All this work and I still have to tackle the real mess: my files and bills. I don't want that hanging over my head come Saturday. I also have to tackle the buffet in the dining room (my perennial daily dumping ground for all unclassifiable objects). I'll get to it all in time. I'm going to pretend I'm Wonder Woman and if it doesn't all get done I'll blame it on my evil foe: THE TIME TERRIER...