100,000 Words Deep
This is the last time. Seriously. I can't keep giving snippets because that's not how it works. But pasting them here has helped me to focus better on my story, on the things that pleased me and while I don't really know all the details yet, the next stage in the book is becoming clearer through reading it. I begin to see its shape.
It is so far 186 pages long.
100,000 words deep.
So, really, these snippets are just a few. There can't be harm in that, surely?
********************
It cannot be denied that any name with twin vowels in it has a special cache. For that matter, words with twin vowels such as vacuum, or bazaar are pretty great too and should be used as often as possible.
*********************
So what about "truly truly, girlfriend"? That was kind of cartoony, the way someone like Eddie Cantor might sign a note to a clown he despised.
*********************
If he had been a cartoon a thought bubble would have appeared above his head with a bold question mark followed by a bolder exclamation point, but all he said was "Lead on brave Nora!" she smiled and crossed the street. They walked carefully around the whole parameter and it wasn't until they came almost completely full circle and climbed the stairs to the massive front doors that they found the first sleeping member of the Holy Order Of The Disenfranchised.
**********************
A hive of angry bees filled her ears with noise until she couldn't hear anything, not even her breath, (though that's because it had caught in her tightened throat and stuck there), and the walls shot up like a piteousness of white doves as she sank silently and blankly to the floor where she lay unconscious, and alone.
**********************
There are no bandages in hell for little girls like you.
**********************
Luca got up and came around to Tim's chair where he leaned down and kissed him the way you eat ice cream in the summer; relishing every melting taste made ephemeral by virtue of the beating sun forcing you to be completely in the present, tasting the richness of cream against the perfume of summer berries.
*******************
"I love her." he said, like the kind of revelation that might have burst through closed doors singing some classy Andrew Lloyd Weber tune majestically with jazz hands shakin' and wavin', but finding corpses where dancers used to be, is understandably subdued.
*******************
Her skin was hot and papery. Though she rarely touched me at all if it wasn't to administer a stinging slap, when she did she felt like dry fire. I used to imagine that her brown skin had soaked up so much sun that she was going to burst into flames with it. She never did, which I thought was curious.
****************
Then there was Him. He came and all the others slithered into the lesser pools of evil from which they had spawned. He came and never left, though he never paid rent, nor cleaned the house, nor did a damn thing besides slouch on the couch, screw Pat when he was in the mood, and make demands. He called me the little nobody. I'm pretty sure Pat never even told him my real name.
Does it matter?
He gave me a new name.
Jane Doe.
It is so far 186 pages long.
100,000 words deep.
So, really, these snippets are just a few. There can't be harm in that, surely?
********************
It cannot be denied that any name with twin vowels in it has a special cache. For that matter, words with twin vowels such as vacuum, or bazaar are pretty great too and should be used as often as possible.
*********************
So what about "truly truly, girlfriend"? That was kind of cartoony, the way someone like Eddie Cantor might sign a note to a clown he despised.
*********************
If he had been a cartoon a thought bubble would have appeared above his head with a bold question mark followed by a bolder exclamation point, but all he said was "Lead on brave Nora!" she smiled and crossed the street. They walked carefully around the whole parameter and it wasn't until they came almost completely full circle and climbed the stairs to the massive front doors that they found the first sleeping member of the Holy Order Of The Disenfranchised.
**********************
A hive of angry bees filled her ears with noise until she couldn't hear anything, not even her breath, (though that's because it had caught in her tightened throat and stuck there), and the walls shot up like a piteousness of white doves as she sank silently and blankly to the floor where she lay unconscious, and alone.
**********************
There are no bandages in hell for little girls like you.
**********************
Luca got up and came around to Tim's chair where he leaned down and kissed him the way you eat ice cream in the summer; relishing every melting taste made ephemeral by virtue of the beating sun forcing you to be completely in the present, tasting the richness of cream against the perfume of summer berries.
*******************
"I love her." he said, like the kind of revelation that might have burst through closed doors singing some classy Andrew Lloyd Weber tune majestically with jazz hands shakin' and wavin', but finding corpses where dancers used to be, is understandably subdued.
*******************
Her skin was hot and papery. Though she rarely touched me at all if it wasn't to administer a stinging slap, when she did she felt like dry fire. I used to imagine that her brown skin had soaked up so much sun that she was going to burst into flames with it. She never did, which I thought was curious.
****************
Then there was Him. He came and all the others slithered into the lesser pools of evil from which they had spawned. He came and never left, though he never paid rent, nor cleaned the house, nor did a damn thing besides slouch on the couch, screw Pat when he was in the mood, and make demands. He called me the little nobody. I'm pretty sure Pat never even told him my real name.
Does it matter?
He gave me a new name.
Jane Doe.
Comments (2)
The last paragraph...you got me hooked. You have a
real talent lady and so damn photogenic. Sweet! You can have the coolest picture above your short little bio info in your book. You rock!
Posted by Tonia | July 19, 2009 5:50 PM
Posted on July 19, 2009 17:50
You are a writer, for truly and for real. As my art is visual, I cannot offer any suggestions other than my bravo! and Keep On!
There were so many things I wished I could say about your earlier posts, the one about finances, and the one about your body, in particular...
I think that you are making good choices, especially give the culture we live in and the resources availabe, or not available. I went bankrupt in my early twenties, (neccesitated by bad advice and bad luck) and have come out the other side.
As far as body issues, I cannot ever forget that we live in a culture that has a great deal invested in keeping people, and especially women, off balance and unhappy with how they look. If I am unhappy, I will be more likely to believe that there is something I can buy that will make it better.
This is not to say that we all should not take care of our bodies, but without the lifelong media "indoctrination", and unrealistic imagery, I do not think that women would be so unhappy with the bodies they live in, and so filled with self-loathing. I have struggled with my weight for my entire adult life, being a short, very round woman who can't find clothing that fits in either ordinary shops, or at Goodwill - it is a good thing that I like to sew, or I would have to run around unclothed, and that would scare the horses...
I'm not going to get all tiresome about "inner beauty", I think that you are very photogenic, and if we were friends in realtime instead of electronically, I'd just give you a hug and say be gentle on yourself...
Posted by alison | July 20, 2009 8:36 PM
Posted on July 20, 2009 20:36