Mental Illness
In four years I have written nearly a million and a half words on Dustpan Alley. In that time I have gone from being a...
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In which Angelina admits to being pissed off, discovers mice in the garage, cleans a bunch of shit out, and appreciates how much her mother...
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I'm having a whole-life deja-vu. I have them from time to time. Something is wrong with me and I know there's something wrong with...
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But before I get to the beers on the wall, we must discuss Mary ever so briefly:A crude hand can make a clumsy Mary. When...
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. I wrote a six page Christmas letter from hell and sent it to all of my friends and family for whom I actually had...
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If you don't know much about ADD or OCD but would like to learn, I have linked to different sources of information where the...
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Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am made up of a lot of contradictory qualities; I am opinionated but open minded,...
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Back when I didn't have the plague was pretty nice. I was going to start going down this really bitter one car highway but...
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I have been watching "Lost in Austen" over and over for a week. But not the whole thing (because that would be crazy!) just...
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Twice, as a parting shot from people exiting my life, I have heard "I'm sorry you're such an unhappy person..." and: "I hope you find...
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On Tuesday, in the middle of the afternoon, my stomach started to feel uneasy. I have clocked in many hours with my body warped...
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I believe I am the first person to ever utter the following words:"I just don't believe in edible genital iconography."*Which is a truly inappropriate way...
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I have been invisible. Hidden in the folds of other people's dirty laundry, undetected, unremarkable, fading into denim, left without a ladder on a...
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Today is the first day on my new psyche med cocktail: 40mg Paxil (this is what I've been taking the last year and a...
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The garden is kicking out fistfuls of beans, a sprinkling of tomatoes, and pickling cucumbers. Incidentally- some kind soul sent me a copy of...
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My very dear friend Chelsea said it's getting weird around here at Dustpan Alley. I objected to the adjective and asked her if she was...
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It is six months from the beginning of this year. I was feeling the march of change; I was hearing the kick-ass jump rope...
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Tonight it's going to be one big word soup. I need to avoid exhaustion so I'm going to go to bed before 11pm for...
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This is treasure more wonderful than gold. I almost wrote "more wonderful than God" and erased it, but then told you about it anyway because...
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Before I say anything else, I would like to direct your attention to the following statement I made in my last post:"If anyone wants me,...
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I am weighing a lot of things tonight. I have, in a stunning little Face Book note I was basically writing to no one...
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Sometimes it takes losing your footing completely in order to find your way forward. Sometimes you have to lose a lot of things to...
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I started off wanting to write a kind of love letter to all of you who have been so candidly and wonderfully sharing yourselves...
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"ADD is hysterical parents and the health industry in resonance. Damage your kid for a fee."(Actual quote from a friend's parent on Facebook responding...
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When I was ten years old, diving into my very first private locked diary- finding out what I might reveal if I knew no...
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This week Max will go for his second appointment with the psychologist who is going to treat him. To be better prepared to set...
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So I had this really long and well thought out post that I was almost finished with which discussed at great length the visit we...
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We have returned from the first step in finding out what makes Max's world so difficult to navigate. I brought the same list I...
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A big part of managing mental illness is knowing what your limits are and drawing deep lines in the sand for other people to...
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You know that moment in the movie when the real fight begins-THE FIGHT- the moment when the underdog suddenly kicks ass into gear to...
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(for not killing me off yet)There are only a couple more days before this year comes to a close. The year is heavy in my...
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In order to reach a goal that has eluded me for three years I think an important step is to list out as many stress...
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We always knew this was gonna be like clawing our way out of tombs. Nails breaking on the weather scrubbed stone. Skin scraping into the...
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I am always apologizing. To friends, to family, to the helpless for not being able to help them, to the abusive for not being good...
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Before true hideosity set in.A girl in her element.Chickens moult, people do too.Time for a 100% overhaul.For those of you who read the post I...
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A continuing discussion about anxietyI sometimes think that no matter how often or how carefully I try to explain what anxiety is for the clinically...
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(later found drooling under her own bed)About this time last year I confessed to my deep aversion of Christmas Carolers. What's great about this aversion...
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If I told you what just flew into my mind it would be "What if we could buy back who we used to be?". What...
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I almost forgot about my notes to a suicidal friend who asked "But what meaning is there to life?" all the time. An urgent question...
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A wonderful weekend has passed with friends and family. Light like liquid gold floods my blood. Bounty is everywhere if only I can contain it...
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a very special hellThe sentence I most dread at any social gathering is "Hey! Let's play a little game..."The minute I hear that sentence I...
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What if you spent your entire life training for the last breath you take? What if every shadow had a face, a possible name, a...
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It can easily be argued that an appropriate response to losing someone to suicide is to feel anger. Not only does the bible consider suicide...
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In a routine that is as unbreakable as the rushing force of a rising speeding tsunami I cannot sleep until I have watched some old...
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Life is a circle and my spirit is glass as thin as breath."I am at one of the tables sitting with my wrists facing up,...
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A girl and her bike with some beer.I can tell that my mental life is in an unstable place by the number of times I...
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Disordered- adj. 2. suffering from or afflicted with a physical or mental disorder(This is my birthday post. I'm 38 years old today) What if you...
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I have, for years, wished to find (or create) a public place where mentally ill people like myself can go and feel comfortable in their...
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Ten ways to prevent oneself from speaking:Duct tape mouth shut.Remove tongue.Take a lifelong vow of silence.Always have so much food in mouth that speech is...
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I am just including this picture as a kind of distraction from the crazy talk that follows.I've been driving in my dreams again.* I actually...
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(no caged animal shots)#1: The Family View:Today is Father's Day and in all the hubbub of the Store closing and my brain malfunctioning I didn't...
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So we're having a "huge" cocktail party at the store on Friday. I put "huge" in quotations because, honestly, I have no idea who will...
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It is 8:34 pm on a Wednesday night and I feel like an ocean is closing over my ears. The laundry that has been piling...
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(who didn't know each other)May Your Crazy Vibrant Asses Rest In Peace"Happiness isn't something you're born with. It isn't something lucky people bump into. It's...
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Well, as you can see, Max's pillow is not yet complete. I stayed up until two am watching Gilmore Girls and embroidering like a busy...
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(Listen up Tom Cruise, you creepy cucumber)Things have been getting a little dark around here. I know it's hard to believe, but I have not...
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If you've ever been a maladjusted teen, or gone through any serious bout of depression, you may have asked yourself "What is the purpose of...
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Me and my mouth. My greatest asset and the thing that continues to make one big huge ass out me. I've spent a lot of...
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Everything is wonky. Complicated. Annoying. Technology is failing me. My kid is so full of energy he is a ball of shrieking fire running from...
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I woke up feeling messy. My brain was foggy and my house disordered. I put my keys in the trunk of my Vespa to...
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I'm pretty sure it multiplies in the night. I know it walks around the room. I have proof. But I'm not at liberty to tell...
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My girls, Dot, Flower-bud, Henna, Pinny, and Pearl.Max and Philip in the snow near Klammoth Falls.Max at the county fair, two days ago.Every one of...
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We are feral beastsclawing at the dismal darkto get at your lamplightto feed from your torch of normal. We are the devil's drumbeata legacy...
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(With Regards To Humans And Their Behaviors) I hate this question. It makes my stomach curl up and slap my lungs. I believe there...
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