An ADD Diagnostic Test
This week Max will go for his second appointment with the psychologist who is going to treat him. To be better prepared to set goals for therapy and to find solutions to help me raise Max so that he can shine and I can survive to see him mature, I have begun the tedious, necessary, and involved task of diving into the mountains of information about ADD that will hopefully help me come up with some new tactics.
Right at this minute I am so exhausted from parenting, and to be honest, I always am. My fuse has become incredibly short. I didn't used to have a short fuse. Every hour that my kid is awake is an hour he needs my constant attention, supervision, or energy. Unless he is engrossed in a video game. It's really not surprising that I let him play almost as much Play-station as he wants. It means I can think for a minute, breath for a minute, and not arrange his universe exactly precisely as he needs it to be in order to function without freak out.
So I found a website that has a diagnostic ADD test for adults to take. The site didn't have the same in depth test for childhood ADD but excluding the questions about sex and relationships (and there aren't many) I think it pretty much covers all the same territory. It is suggested that to be diagnosed with ADD one has to have at least 20 items rated a 3 or higher number. 20 items? That's it? My son had 49 items for which I assigned a 3 or higher score. I realize that parental bias may skew things a bit- but I think this should tell you that the psychologist was not at all wrong for being so damn certain that my kid has ADD. Now that I have taken this test I can see for myself that there is overwhelming evidence that this diagnosis we got last week is correct.
I actually almost started crying when I was answering the questions. This is my son. It's as though the person who wrote this test has been living with me for 8 years and then boiled down my son's life into a seventy question test. It's weird, disconcerting. It's extraordinary. And eerie.
I am in a strange state of wanting to ask "Why Max?" and "Why Me?" while at the same time realizing that I've known he was different and suffering for so long now. And Philip and I with him. This really isn't new. And Philip and I with him. I am straining so hard not to apply ass kicking to myself for not trusting my gut earlier. This is just one more instance when my instinct has proven superior to the judgments of others.
So what are the things I hope to alleviate the most by getting help?
Is that too much to ask? Are these impossible wishes?
My own constant state of inertia is becoming less and less of a mystery. I used to wonder how come what I really want to do most of the time is nothing. A whole lot of blissful nothing. When the house is empty I enjoy listening the quiet. The quiet in which no one is losing their shit. A quiet in which incessant negotiations over socks, tooth brushing, and unhappiness is not creating a hum of discord under the normal sounds of daily life.
Parenting a normal child is hard enough. Parenting mine is like playing with explosives in a cave.
Right at this minute I am so exhausted from parenting, and to be honest, I always am. My fuse has become incredibly short. I didn't used to have a short fuse. Every hour that my kid is awake is an hour he needs my constant attention, supervision, or energy. Unless he is engrossed in a video game. It's really not surprising that I let him play almost as much Play-station as he wants. It means I can think for a minute, breath for a minute, and not arrange his universe exactly precisely as he needs it to be in order to function without freak out.
So I found a website that has a diagnostic ADD test for adults to take. The site didn't have the same in depth test for childhood ADD but excluding the questions about sex and relationships (and there aren't many) I think it pretty much covers all the same territory. It is suggested that to be diagnosed with ADD one has to have at least 20 items rated a 3 or higher number. 20 items? That's it? My son had 49 items for which I assigned a 3 or higher score. I realize that parental bias may skew things a bit- but I think this should tell you that the psychologist was not at all wrong for being so damn certain that my kid has ADD. Now that I have taken this test I can see for myself that there is overwhelming evidence that this diagnosis we got last week is correct.
I actually almost started crying when I was answering the questions. This is my son. It's as though the person who wrote this test has been living with me for 8 years and then boiled down my son's life into a seventy question test. It's weird, disconcerting. It's extraordinary. And eerie.
I am in a strange state of wanting to ask "Why Max?" and "Why Me?" while at the same time realizing that I've known he was different and suffering for so long now. And Philip and I with him. This really isn't new. And Philip and I with him. I am straining so hard not to apply ass kicking to myself for not trusting my gut earlier. This is just one more instance when my instinct has proven superior to the judgments of others.
So what are the things I hope to alleviate the most by getting help?
- I want Max to be able to manage his mood swings better- or have less violent ones. His mood turns on the slenderest thread.
- I would like him to be able to manage his negativity better. This takes a tremendous toll on Philip and I as we have our own negativity to manage.
- I want to build routines that work better and help all of us from losing our tempers which is a constant irritant and a very real fact of our daily lives together.
- I want Max to become more self regulating and self entertaining. His desperate and constant need for attention is relentless.
- I would like to get Max to eat healthier food. More protein at least and more fresh food.
- I need to find age appropriate books about ADD for Max to read. Any recommendations would be great.
Is that too much to ask? Are these impossible wishes?
My own constant state of inertia is becoming less and less of a mystery. I used to wonder how come what I really want to do most of the time is nothing. A whole lot of blissful nothing. When the house is empty I enjoy listening the quiet. The quiet in which no one is losing their shit. A quiet in which incessant negotiations over socks, tooth brushing, and unhappiness is not creating a hum of discord under the normal sounds of daily life.
Parenting a normal child is hard enough. Parenting mine is like playing with explosives in a cave.
Comments (6)
There are so many children who have this diagnosis - I am sure there are many on-line parent board and chat forums that you could find to help you out. Maybe even the psychologist will have some help-groups to recommend to you.
There has got to be support groups out there who will have some of the answers for you - or at least suggestions to help!!!
Posted by Karmyn R | March 3, 2009 5:28 PM
Posted on March 3, 2009 17:28
I remember having many of those same feelings when we received G's diagnosis (ADHD). We actually found that we had to seriously limit his time with video games because it seemed to trigger his meltdowns and outbursts. It still does, only now he's about six feet tall and much scarier when he's angry.
Posted by Mary | March 4, 2009 5:35 AM
Posted on March 4, 2009 05:35
I went through this last year with David, except that he's 36 and had never been diagnosed or managed in any way; it wasn't until we were together for years and I had to damn near shove it down his throat that this wasn't normal behaviour, it was detrimental to his life and ours, and he needed to DO something about it, damn it. I really do admire you for getting Max checked out ASAP and doing something about it as a parent -- I live with the results of the opposite, and though I love that man to death, I frequently feel completely overwhelmed and it can be hard not to resent everyone that let this go unnoticed or ignored for so long. My goal is to get David to have a more proactive role in managing his illness (it still feels wrong to call it an illness, like calling depression an illness; it implies a cure) but it's something I'll probably always be fighting. I can see so clearly that if his parents had cared enough to notice and do something about this, David's adult life would be so much easier. so thank you, thank you! for doing what you can do make Max's life better. you have a ragtag bunch of friends and allies here (you're welcome to bounce ideas off of and/or gripe about it to me, of course) and I hope you can find a support group that you like.
♥
Posted by miss lila | March 4, 2009 7:47 AM
Posted on March 4, 2009 07:47
Lila- Philip just said to me yesterday that now that he's learning about ADD he thinks he had it as a kid (and consequently- still does). This is a major revelation and I thought about the questions on the adult ADD test and he is so right. I have often felt like I have to do things for him a mother does for a kid- SO NOT SEXY. His inability to stay focused on anything normal is maddening. Suddenly all his annoying quirks makes complete sense. We know Philip has anxiety and OCD- but these are issues that apparently plague lots of people with ADD. So in treating our son I hope to get Philip to treat himself as well.
In fact, today I suggested he at least get himself diagnosed. He's never done it and I think it would be good for him to do.
Mary- I know that it can't be good for Max to have unlimited time playing video games- we do it for our own sanity not for his health and that always makes me feel bad. But if he isn't doing that I find I have no peace at all. However, I am feeling like getting a handle on that with some new strategies.
Karmyn- you're so right- that there are tons of resources out there for me to access. I am just at the beginning. I need to be patient.
Posted by angelina | March 4, 2009 8:43 AM
Posted on March 4, 2009 08:43
my significant other has adult ADD, and was diagnosed as a child. He takes meds and anti-depressants and that seriously helps him. According to him, before he started anti-dep's, he had major rage and mood swings. It is no piece of cake to live with him now, but he is a very exciting, vibrant, *extremely* intelligent person who also talks excessively (needs attention) to the point that you are ready to kill yourself if it would only stop, and can't focus on anything, and has work problems, and I could go on. In the past years that we have been together, I have learned that to stay sane, I have to *let go* of all of the things about him that I can't control. This will be much harder to do with a child, but it may be something you need to do. I try focus on myself, and do things that make me happy and make me a better person, thus creating a better environment for both of us. I intervene in what he's doing if it is dangerous, life-threatening, or will stop me from something I'm trying to do (like playing loud music while I'm sleeping, etc). Otherwise, I try to recognize that even though we are together, he is his own person and I am mine. These are my thoughts on how to stay sane.
Also, there are support groups out there that are AWESOME and it sure helps when you have people to bitch to that are going through the same things you are. Also, they generally don't mind answering any questions you might have. I like ADD Forums (http://www.addforums.com/forums/index.php).
Posted by Jade | March 4, 2009 10:41 AM
Posted on March 4, 2009 10:41
The things you want for him all sound like good things. Good luck with it.
BTW
Posted by cindy | March 6, 2009 9:45 PM
Posted on March 6, 2009 21:45