Nothing Left To Say But Thanks

(for not killing me off yet)

There are only a couple more days before this year comes to a close. The year is heavy in my left hand as I hold it up to the light for just a little longer and turn the last few pages. I will not be sorry to see this year shuffle itself behind me. Yet I don't say that with bitterness. I have let go of all those tough days when I wanted to pull all of my hair out. Letting go of bitterness is a big step in personal growth, but there is a flip side to it as well. I don't generally like to get all Mary Poppins on people but if we aren't willing to see what good can come out of bad then we really don't get it. Any of it. And we get stuck in the perpetual replay moment.


I had reason for gratitude this year:

• I got five jobs this year and every single one of them was offered to me by friends: Your life can't be all bad if you know five people willing to bail your sorry ass out of the coals and hire you. My headline editor job that I LOVE was offered to me through my friend Laura who has never even met me in person- yet she completely went to bat for me. I can't possibly be thankful enough for that.

• Penny and Pippa coming into our lives: right when we were feeling so blue for our old cranky cat Ozark who died in February these two half dead kittens came into our lives and have been the perfect silly remedy for so much personal pain. Just looking at Pippa makes me start laughing because she's so bite-ably cute. Penny is more aloof during the day but then she curls up between Philip and I at night and is such a little velvet baby.

• Support from my blog friends: Much of the strength I borrowed to get through the hardest moments I got from all of my blog friendships which are fully as rewarding as the friends you meet at the coffee shop. Just when I think I'm going to shove a lemon in my eye I read a comment from someone that makes me remember that I hate pain and lemons are best squeezed into hot tea.

• My Philip: I often wonder how I can be so lucky-to have a man who loves me even when I'm at my fattest and meanest...but we've just about been married for sixteen years and many times this year I have realized how unfair it is to everyone that they can't have Philip for a spouse. He treats our life like an adventure and is willing to take risks as long as they're with me. I am no fool and treasure my marriage even when Philip makes me want to whack him with a frying pan.

• The Health of my boy: Bloody noses are a bitch, a real messy bitch. But compared to all the problems a kid can have I feel deeply thankful that he's been healthy this year and growing like a weed. He may be hell to feed and a challenge to groom but this year he had no breaks, no serious illnesses, and he's still in one piece. There are few things more devastating to a parent than to see their kids hurt or decline in any way, so any day/wee/month/year that my kid is in good health is occasion for gratitude.

• The "new" house: Our old house depressed me. It was not a great financial move for us but every morning I wake up in my funky farmhouse I feel so happy that I'm here. I love this house and I need to love where I'm living. I've lived in a lot of places and I know that it has a huge effect on my overall outlook. I'm so happy to have found this place. My old doorknobs feel so good in my palms. The porch from which I can watch the rain come down is the best perch!

• I was published in a book: REMEMBER THAT? REMEMBER HOW COOL I WAS ABOUT IT AND NOT OVER EXCITED LIKE A GIANT CHIHUAHUA?! REMEMBER HOW I DIDN'T FORGET MY FRIENDS WITH MY DISH OF FAME? Yeah, I remember too.
  

• Our visit to old friends in California: As stressful as travel is to me with a kid in tow, it has to be admitted that we had a fantastic time visiting our old friends. It felt so good to let all the breath out and drape myself all over their furniture unceremoniously while drinking copious amounts of excellent beer and wine and eating the best food in the world. I was completely at home and it was such a great break in the miserable year. Max got to play with his best friend and didn't want to come home. It was sweet.

• I learned to grind and cut metal: Although I am not going to pursue a job in metalworking because (as I disclosed a few posts ago) I am a writer I really enjoyed the opportunity to learn about metal working. If I didn't have the path I already do I would seriously consider becoming a welder. It was fun, satisfying, and gritty work.

• It snowed 2 feet in my garden: No, I'm not happy or relieved to see the snow gone. However, I'm not going to sit around being bummed about it either. What an amazing delightful way to end a difficult year. How did the Universe know that it would bring the glitter back to me, that it would help me unload the heavy to see the ground luminescent in the dark. It was wonderful- the cold, the storms, the flurries, and even having to get intimate with my own water pipes was like getting to know your spouse when the honeymoon is over. An adventure! Thank you. Thank you for the snow!

*Oh for Christ's sake- it's Julie Andrews...it's all about Julie and her perky self with that goody goody persona, she's got us all wrapped around her pinky. Wouldn't I just love to read her diaries and find out she was a gin swigging ho! No, don't throw your icky winter tomatoes at me- I LOVE Julie. Julie in a dirndl is what I worship.