How Not To Look Lame: Scarves Demystified
Disclaimer: The following pictures may cause some individuals pain and embarrassment. If you have a heart condition, high blood pressure, or are really huge fans of Poison, you should not continue reading.
Scarf offenses: I have noticed in the fashion and gossip magazines (and fashion blogs) the return of a singularly distressing headgear style: the hippie headband. Some offenders are: Sienna Miller, Nicole Richie, and Ashley Simpson.
The look they're going for is: relaxed, flirty, innocent, retro, coy, and wonder-like.
The look they have achieved is: repulsive, hideous, stupid, vacuous, and ick-personified.
I know how tempting it is to reenact this awful fashion since you've already got your cords out (Shaggy style), your patchouli drenched floaty hippie top on, and you are taking mushrooms "ironically"...this is the finishing touch on the retro seventies lifestyle. Don't do it. It is dangerous to sport the thin headband worn across the forehead. No one will ever take you seriously again. The memory of you wearing this stupid style will never fade.
This is also a tempting look to try out if you're a bored "fashionista"* and you just want to know what it feels like to look like a Bret Michaels clone. And who doesn't want to look like the kind of tough guy who goes without his insulin just to heighten the experience of the women he's "pleasuring".** The danger with this style is that at first it's just the headscarf, but then it's the long untrimmed bleached out damaged hair you'll be cultivating, and completely without realizing it you will be pulling on skin tight pants and stuffing them with something to impress on a large scale. Sexy? Only Bret thinks so.
There are many ways to wear scarves that can enhance your charm. This one is a winner every time! It's practical (keeps your hair away from your face while you clean, or garden, or shop) and no one will be secretly cringing at your headgear. It's cute, it's fresh, it's youthful, and it's easy to pull off.
But what if you're a stodgy politician type who needs a look that says "I'm stylish" while not implying that you engage in risky behaviors? This is the style for you. It's a scarf, which is a frivolous accessory, so people will see that you do let your hair down sometimes, but it's not being worn in some crazy liberal way that screams "LEFTY!!!" Lord knows that sometimes a woman needs to let loose without being mistaken for a socialist and this look will achieve that for you.
*I will slug anyone who calls me a "fashionista" which is an awful moniker. It's just as bad as being called a "foodie" which is also something that inspires violence in me.
**Oh yes, he's diabetic and used the expression "pleasuring" women. Wow, move over ladies, I just can't wait for my chance with Bret!
Scarf offenses: I have noticed in the fashion and gossip magazines (and fashion blogs) the return of a singularly distressing headgear style: the hippie headband. Some offenders are: Sienna Miller, Nicole Richie, and Ashley Simpson.
The look they're going for is: relaxed, flirty, innocent, retro, coy, and wonder-like.
The look they have achieved is: repulsive, hideous, stupid, vacuous, and ick-personified.
I know how tempting it is to reenact this awful fashion since you've already got your cords out (Shaggy style), your patchouli drenched floaty hippie top on, and you are taking mushrooms "ironically"...this is the finishing touch on the retro seventies lifestyle. Don't do it. It is dangerous to sport the thin headband worn across the forehead. No one will ever take you seriously again. The memory of you wearing this stupid style will never fade. This is also a tempting look to try out if you're a bored "fashionista"* and you just want to know what it feels like to look like a Bret Michaels clone. And who doesn't want to look like the kind of tough guy who goes without his insulin just to heighten the experience of the women he's "pleasuring".** The danger with this style is that at first it's just the headscarf, but then it's the long untrimmed bleached out damaged hair you'll be cultivating, and completely without realizing it you will be pulling on skin tight pants and stuffing them with something to impress on a large scale. Sexy? Only Bret thinks so.There are many ways to wear scarves that can enhance your charm. This one is a winner every time! It's practical (keeps your hair away from your face while you clean, or garden, or shop) and no one will be secretly cringing at your headgear. It's cute, it's fresh, it's youthful, and it's easy to pull off. But what if you're a stodgy politician type who needs a look that says "I'm stylish" while not implying that you engage in risky behaviors? This is the style for you. It's a scarf, which is a frivolous accessory, so people will see that you do let your hair down sometimes, but it's not being worn in some crazy liberal way that screams "LEFTY!!!" Lord knows that sometimes a woman needs to let loose without being mistaken for a socialist and this look will achieve that for you. This is a classic look: sexy old lady. Yes, it takes a fashion-forward person to pull this one off. Or you need to live in the Ukraine. Men will not be able to resist you because they will wonder how beautiful your neck is underneath the scarf. Women will envy you because you look intriguing and exotic: Is she a sleek spy? Is she a dancer incognito? Is she wearing thong underwear? With this look you will have all the world at your feet.
There are some other looks that I can endorse wholeheartedly and will demonstrate in another episode of "How Not To Look Lame".
There are some other looks that I can endorse wholeheartedly and will demonstrate in another episode of "How Not To Look Lame".
*I will slug anyone who calls me a "fashionista" which is an awful moniker. It's just as bad as being called a "foodie" which is also something that inspires violence in me.
**Oh yes, he's diabetic and used the expression "pleasuring" women. Wow, move over ladies, I just can't wait for my chance with Bret!
Comments (8)
You are my hero. If I had been drinking tea, out the nostrils it would've flown. Sorry, I hope that doesn't gross you out. In my friend Alayne's opinion, it's a great compliment. I can't wait for more of "How Not to Look Lame."
Posted by Ann | August 30, 2009 1:42 PM
Posted on August 30, 2009 13:42
Loved this!
Posted by Tracey | August 30, 2009 5:30 PM
Posted on August 30, 2009 17:30
I don't know who Bret Michaels is, but your post is HILarious!
Posted by Lucille | August 30, 2009 6:33 PM
Posted on August 30, 2009 18:33
Awesome, that really made me laugh! Love it!
Posted by Beth | August 31, 2009 7:36 AM
Posted on August 31, 2009 07:36
Oh my love it!
Posted by amy | August 31, 2009 12:25 PM
Posted on August 31, 2009 12:25
OMG - Brett Michaesl. I'm dying laughing here.
Posted by Karmyn R | September 1, 2009 11:16 AM
Posted on September 1, 2009 11:16
Lets hear it for the dorm cleanser! and bring on the babushka! They should print your fashion advice somewhere serious- shake it up a bit- a good laugh.
Posted by sharon | September 1, 2009 6:23 PM
Posted on September 1, 2009 18:23
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Posted by scarves shawls | May 7, 2010 9:41 PM
Posted on May 7, 2010 21:41